About Me

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St.Ives, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
I'm 18. I live at home with my parents and older sisters. I work as an Apprentice Support Analyst at an IT company called Cambridge Online Systems (Ltd.) in Cambridge. I am single and I'm boring...

Friday, 24 December 2010

one month and five days?

One month and five days?
Thanks, I obviously meant that much to you.

Do you know what today would have been?
9 Months.

Obviously,  to be quite honest, I think there's something other than me in the equation of our break up....

Just so you know.

Sunday, 28 November 2010


1. Finish All Wts work which includes like 300 pages of stuff. [for monday]
2. Finish all Dvs work which is like half the size for thursday-ish.
3. Maths papers
4. CV's,  etc.
5. UCAS and Personal Statements
6. Driving Lessons
7. excruciatingly painful and upsetting talk with ex-girlfriend

Which ones have I done?

Monday, 25 October 2010

1st Comment

My blog has its first comment after 2 months minus one day of posts. Thanks :D hahaa lol

In others news, shortly to come, i'm creating a Game Blog page where I will compare games and stuff...
Just so's you know.. if anyone ever reads this :L

Monday, 11 October 2010

The quite ALMIGHTY conversation when your girlfriend tells you that you need to appreciate a friend that you don't always like :L

LOL I think none of my friends like me :L

I wonder how many of my friends would stop being friends with me if they were able to do it in a way that meant that I didn't realise they were doing it?

I wonder how many of my friends would keep in contact with me if I went away?

I wonder how many of my friends would be talk to me if I didn't talk first?

I wonder how many of my friends would 'rewind' their lives and not start to be friends with me?

I don't know...

Enough of that i have like 15 weeks of maths homework, 2 ICT projects that are handed in that need improving, plus homework for two new ICT projects.
On the plus side, you're actually reading this which means I am providing entertainment for at least one person that would otherwise probably be bored out of their wits, such as I am.

On another note I think that to much pressure is put on younger people to do many things at once. As above, I have lots of homework. That's not even an exaggeration to be quite honest. Then there is working. Finding a job, interviews, getting a job, actually working the stupid hours they are likely to give you at the minimum wage or below. Then there's driving. Having money for lessons. Actually having lessons. Fitting lessons around school timetables, work and other outings. Revising for theory test. taking theory test. Practising for the driving test. Taking the driving Test. [Re-taking if necessary]. Then you have University. Including personal statements. Choosing a course you want to go to. Choosing universities you want to apply to. Going to open days. Applying using UCAS and filling UCAS out. Actually going to university. Moving. Lectures. Outside work. Amongst all of that there are other things that are wanted to be done. Bedroom tidy. Chorse to be done. Etc.
Then the important things like friends, girlfriends [not plural as in the sense of having two, but in the sense of generally any boy having a girlfriend, or vice versa too], having fun, social excursions.

And what is it all for?

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Oh Crap...

If i'm not at school Monday, I have killed myself.

Ha, ha.

I wish I had the self-motivation.


Friday, 1 October 2010

Should I Be Annoyed?

Or angry?
OR upset?
What should I do about it?
All valuable questions... shame I don't have any answers...

Well basically, my girlfriend wrote this [as you can see, on facebook] at about lunch time today. About tonight. However, she always says how I'm not just her boyfriend I'm her 'best' friend to. Obviously not then....
Not to mention she hasn't seen me in a week. Yet I don't get a mention at all... not even a text or a 'personalised' message saying anything at all.

Added to that she is annoyed at me, because i'm jealous of her inviting a guy round her house. I do not know this boy. He his from her school. Which makes me jealous, but only slightly suspicious :L

However, there isn't anything particularly to do at her house, leads em to the question, what will they be doing?

Yeah I laugh about it and joke. But I really don't know.

I know she's not that sort of person but it doesn't mean I don't jump to conclusions about it.

Also she said I could go meet him at her house, where there is nothing to do. most of the time we talk or make-out and that's about it really. I'm bad enough when it's me and somebody I DO know, like Becky, so how bad could it be with somebody that I don't know, at somebody else's house, and the person is a guy.

And I'm pretty sure I am the 'bad guy' because I am jealous.  Hey, I didn't invite him round to your house, did I?

And I'm not even angry?
Why am I not angry?
Wouldn't I like to know... ¬¬

Yeah I'm a little upset about it that would be why I wrote this whole post about it. Otherwise that would have been a truly pointless exercise of my worthless existence; that I wrote a post about something that, not only I wasn't angry about, but that I wasn't even upset about either.

Monday, 27 September 2010

8th. New Me. Well, New Blog :L

Okay this is stupid.
Somehow I have managed to follow MY OWN blog...
However, it took me about three tries to follow Schlemmons'... ¬¬

Just voted on the Golden Joystick Awards for my favourite games of 2010.

Going back to the Schlemmons, I figure he has a point. Although, I think I will 'live' more than 6 Months out of my 77 years, but the point still stands.

So, what is the afterlife?
I once had a dream. Yes, a dream. And don't be pedantic like "just once?" or anything ¬¬
But basically, I sort of died. And all there was left was blackness. And it felt like years had gone by. and i was staring, into black. What's up with that? I don't want that to happen to me.

Also, Schlemmons raised another fine point. Why the hell am I writing a blog?
I don't know. Originally I assumed it would be one of a few things.
Firstly, basically a rant page where I complain about facebook and my life.
Secondly, a page where I bring up interesting, controversial, or just any old topics and talk about them and explore their concepts.
Thirdly, to write a diary. but that's on my other blog, so not this one.
Fourthly, for it to not really have a particular reason, and for it to be crap.

Check box on fourth , please.

Therefore I will try, each post to include something interest or controversial or different into my blog. However, it will also be crap :D

For now, I leave you with this:

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Hmm... 11th

We've not been speaking for like a week now.
And yet all I can think about is her....

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Shrink - Job prospect No4

Okay. So, firstly Job prospect number 1:
i really want to be a game design. no choice about it. I want to do that. i can't imagine doing anything else tbh.

Number 2:
Video games journalist. at least i can write about games, and still be entwined with them, at least one way.

Number 3:
Video games tester. Not bad, fun job, no real life plan though... :S

Number 4:
A SHRINK. I give good advice, I listen well, I play devils advocate [but  also the opposite?]. I can give you the advice you need. Whether you need from someone point of you. just reassuring you in your opinion. Shouting you down and telling you it's your fault.  Or just the plain truth. Or, my own opinion.

But what matters is what you really think, deep down inside. not what you want to hear. but what you know.

Monday, 20 September 2010

quick poem.... of feelings and crap ;D

I want to send something to her,
but I want it to be right,
Even if I have to,
Stay up all night.

The thing that I send,
It needs to be true ,
More detailed,
than just I love you,

I was thinking about,
Saying why I do,
But that is too desperate,
And nothing new.

I'm not really joking,
or blowing my own horn,
but I'm quite a nice guy,
Not what you get from a thorn.

I am not annoyed or,
angry with you,
I just got jealous,
about your 'crew'

I can't blame you,
or anyone at all,
it just happened I'm sorry,
would, if I crawl,
Would you stay with me
if I changed to,
who you want me to be,
I'd change for you,
would you change too?

Thursday, 9 September 2010

P.O.E.M. - Bricking it?

Something is wrong.
With her?
With us?
With me?
I don't know,
Am I being silly?
She doesn't seem,
To be the same,
As before,
I'm sorry its true,
I can't ignore,
What's coming through,
From you to me,
Can't you simply,
Just tell me?
Let me free,
To be,
If that is what happens,
If not then keep,
Us alive,
We will thrive,

Yeah I can't think any more I might go to bed ¬¬

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

7.5th if she even knew

I like writing down all of my feelings and everything, in a non necessarily coherent and understandable way but it makes me feel better [albeit only slightly] and it means that if she ever reads this, which I doubt to hell she would cause I don't think she has any interests in anything I do or write or anything unless it's to do with her.

Not saying I don't have the same attitude to her, but I try and ask her how her day was, about her subjects, her new college etc.
I bet you she has no idea I'm re-taking AS maths along with A2 maths and Double ICT, with missing one Statistical AS maths lesson every week on Thursday 5th period because of a clash in my timetable with ICT.

If she even knew that I have more than half as much fun now she's not in school any more ¬¬
If she even knew that I don't know if I can keep up just seeing her at weekends.
If she even knew that I didn't particularly like her going to college, but encouraged it because it would make her happy and it's what she wants to do.
If she even knew that I don't mind if she's late really. I'd wait for hours out in the rain for her, just to see her for a while.

If. Just If...

7th.... I get really annoyed.

I get really annoyed. I do.

I'm insecure. I'm not confident. I'm sensitive.

My girlfriend suddenly gets texts and then tells me we need to talk about stuff.
Foreshadowing and foreboding, right? Uh-oh... :S

She then won't text me back when I'm asking simple questions. [also thinks I'm in a mood when I'm not...]

[EDIT: just found realised, she did text me back, but only in reply to a question, not making conversation or anything]

And I'm on Facebook, and I see she's written on a friends wall:  miss you <3

I don't even get that, and we've been going out 5+ months now ¬¬

Yeah its probably me being jealous and stupid but I cant help it.
It's not like I could get any girl I wanted to, to go out with me. She, however, could get so much more [and better] than me, or if not, she could still get many people who like her and could like her that way and i could get like one.
Not that it matters cause we're going out and everything, and she says that that's not going to happen, but i can't help but think about if she liked other guys cause, no-offence to her, she is lovely, but sometimes she can be really mean, i know she probably doesn't mean it, but she never seems to be mean o anybody else, really, just to me.
She says she's joking, and that I'm too sensitive but all of that *points up ^^ * is why i am like that.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬

I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬

But I'm not. Bring on Saturday ¬¬

6th - Paranoia

I know im probably paranoid

yeah.. two posts in half an hour?

But seriously... i am sort of worried...

Although, I probably shouldn't be. Being the over-sensitive person that I have apparently become.... because my girlfriend can sometimes be mean to me ¬¬

Last conversation of tonight:

im gunna go bed mayte
aww no :(
surely you cant be that tired? :p
er yeah
:( aww :P
im going byeez have fun at schoolio without me
okay night night :) i try y'know :L
good luck for your pt* tomorrow :p                                       *Personal Training
thanks buddy
love you x<3
bye xxxxx

So yeah...  feelings and opinions anybody?
Oh wait.. nobody read this....
Never mind...

5th ¬¬

Is it bad that I feel jealous towards people who I don't know, and only know that they are 'Matt and Josh who draw on my girlfriend'?

I think its not very good to be quite honest. I shouldn't feel jealous. But she moved to a different college [not cause of me (I hope...) ] and now she's having lots of fun on her new course.

Me, personally, am having trouble deciding what courses to finalise on, and have crap free's, and boring lunches.

Why should I feel jealous?

"You need to meet them. all of them. but you have to be confident coz they are all really outgoing"

URM HELLO? Least outgoing, most insecure, most unsocial, most retarded person that you are talking about....

I can't even be confident with my best friends and her, let alone a bunch of 'mentals' that i have no idea who they are... :'(


"and my mum says that I've changed already, like being 

more confident. Its because my mates are really loud".

I hope she hasn't changed much. I liked her how she was...

Wednesday, 1 September 2010


The Prodigy - Voodoo People, has an extremely weird music video. Along with OK Go - This Too Shall Pass.

01 September 2010. I start school initially on  =Friday for an hour. Then start properly on Monday.
I had done practically no homework until this week.
I have at least 3 weeks of maths to do.
I have ICT projects to fulfil to a certain point....
But all I really wanna do is watch 'Grey's Anatomy' [it's crap but my sister has the box sets], play Fallout 3, draw some crap, listen to YouTube Music Videos and do anything else apart from my homework. Guess I should have done it at the start of the holidays.

I  got some emails back from the universities. One saying that they weren't there till the 1st of September. Then, on the first of September, one saying that they do not do that course this year.
I was talking about next year. After I have done my A2 year. I wonder if the admissions tutor read correctly...
Either way, I sent three emails out, and have only been replied to by Swansea Metropolitan.....
I have to choose on Friday what I want to do with my life [AKA my A2 subjects], but am unable to because I have no answers to my questions...

I like to take pictures of things that I think look cool. I have about 6....

And, my favourites:

And there you have it.These were taken in Wales, by me. So all Copyrighted to me. 
Most of them were taken sort of by accident, but afterwards realised that they looked 'special' for want of a better word.
And I have quite eclectic tastes, but these are definitely the best...

Thursday, 26 August 2010

My Favourite Things xD

My favourite things for the moment. It will be a list of the top ten most favourite of each of the categories, if you think another category should be introduced, then leave a comment :D

1. Bullet Proof Monk
2. How to train your dragon
3.  Inception
4. Avatar
5. Transformers 1 and 2
6. Twilight Saga
7. Clash of the Titans
8. Fast and Furious 1, 2, 3, 4.
9. Inside Man
10. Step Up

1. Galactik Football
3. Chuck
4. Sherlock Holmes
5. Hustle
6. Merlin
7. Robin Hood
8. Smallville
9. Naruto
10. Outnumbered

1. The Magicians Guild Books, by Trudi Canavan
2. The Abhorsen Books, by Garth Nix
3. The CHERUB books, by Robert Muchamore
4. Nougths and Crosses Trilogy, By Malorie Blackman
5. The Otori Tales, by Lian Hearn
6. Basilisk, by N M Browne
7. Dance of The Assassins, by Hervé Jubert
8. The Edge chronicles, by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell
9. The twilight Saga, by Stephen Meyer
10. The Eragon Books, by Christopher Paolini

1. Cheryl Cole
2. Emma Watson
3. Yvonne Strahovski
4. Megan Fox
5. Jessica Alba
6. Angelina Jolie
7. Blake Lively
8. Pixie Lott
9. Taylor Swift
10. Cameron Diaz

1. Placebo - Bitter end
2. Hoosiers - Choices
3. Dizzie Rascal - Holiday
4. Tinie Tempah - Pass Out
5. Madina Lake
6. Paramore
7. Go:Audio
8. Lil Chris - Checkin' it Out
9. 30 Seconds to Mars - Attack
10. We No Speak Americano....?

Games: [Ps3, btw]
1. Fallout 3
2. AC2
3. Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands
4. Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
5. Killzone 2
6. Resident Evil 5
7. Little Big Planet
8. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
9. Oblivion
10. Call of Duty 5: World at War

The idea of this post was given to me by my first follower, Amy.

When my computer starts working properly again, i'll link you to her from here :D

If she'll let me and wants me to :)

Wednesday, 25 August 2010


Approximately two-thirds of people tip their head to the right when they kiss.

Soo kissing?
Mighty fine isn't it?
I have just been watching some hilarious you tube videos, and reading some funny Wiki-Hows on how to kiss, first kisses and stuff. Just for kicks.
It enlightened me somewhat.

I do not remember my first kiss with my current girlfriend, as such, yet I remember my 'first kiss' [with my first girlfriend] probably because that was pretty painful and awkward.... but still...

I also think that the weird statistic above ^^ means i am one of a third of the population.... But i go left mainly because i don't want to rip my girlfriends nose piercing out, but still...

Me and my girlfriend both kiss pretty differently. 
When we tongue, her tongues never in my mouth... my tongues sometimes in her, y'know....
Another thing, we don't really talk much. About kissing and stuff really... 

Are we supposed to....?

Funny things


On a website I read it says to not give a hickey to a haemophiliac. [spelt wrongly I might add] oh dang ¬¬

A program on BBC called Wu-How is about Ninjas and everyday life. like how ninjas use white wine, white wine vinegar, a cloth and a wet towel to get out red wine stains.. urm.. yeah right....

YouTube videos now:
Alex sent me a funny one about =3. it was funny. perv kitteh and the suchlike.

lonelygirl15 = wtf....

Sorting out my Life

Okay so...
1. Emails to University Admissions Tutors
2. Get a Job
3. Start Driving Lessons
4. [but should be done first] Homework for start of term
5. Ironing ¬¬ yes my mum makes me iron my clothes sometimes, suck it up.
6. CV finished and checked [should be done before 2]
7. Draw some stuff
8. Write more poems
9. Finish the story I'm writing
10. Read more books
11. Create a website after a year of not doing it ¬¬
12. Fix computer, somehow.....
13. Finish ACII so I can led it to Alex.
14. Buy Christmas presents? Too early....
15. Get more posters around my room

That should do for now xD

Tuesday, 24 August 2010


Horse + Pony, the magazine is for like 10 year olds that like looking at pictures and can't read....

The most challenging [and probably exciting] part of my life at the moment, is deciding whether to spend the rest of the night on my computer, or go on the ps3 for a while.
Some thing must be wrong with that right?
Well, the reasons for going on the computer: To talk to people on msn. Fun... especially when my girlfriend's hardly ever on, especially later at night.
Reasons for going on the ps3: to escape my life and live someone else's.
To go to a place that has a set line, a set story, in order for me to just follow along drudgingly.
It enables me to do what, in normal life, I could only ever dream of.
That I could imagine with my mind what I was seeing with my eyes, and become that thing, the one between the joining of the two worlds, to instead of see, and think, to feel the thoughts of a game, the images, the feelings, surrounding, captivating me into  statue so that i could stand there and revel in the peace of it all.
The infinitesimal balance between reality and fiction in that life, the other life, that would have it as being a wonder of the new world, the technologically advanced civilizations.
The warmongering, bickering, plague of civilization bearing down on those good and free people, to oppress and suppress the civility of the civilizations.


Firstly, MAOAMs are the most amazing food ever. not that they count as food. but still.

When I have something else to write, I'll come back ;)