About Me

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St.Ives, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
I'm 18. I live at home with my parents and older sisters. I work as an Apprentice Support Analyst at an IT company called Cambridge Online Systems (Ltd.) in Cambridge. I am single and I'm boring...

Monday, 27 September 2010

8th. New Me. Well, New Blog :L

Okay this is stupid.
Somehow I have managed to follow MY OWN blog...
However, it took me about three tries to follow Schlemmons'... ¬¬

Just voted on the Golden Joystick Awards for my favourite games of 2010.

Going back to the Schlemmons, I figure he has a point. Although, I think I will 'live' more than 6 Months out of my 77 years, but the point still stands.

So, what is the afterlife?
I once had a dream. Yes, a dream. And don't be pedantic like "just once?" or anything ¬¬
But basically, I sort of died. And all there was left was blackness. And it felt like years had gone by. and i was staring, into black. What's up with that? I don't want that to happen to me.

Also, Schlemmons raised another fine point. Why the hell am I writing a blog?
I don't know. Originally I assumed it would be one of a few things.
Firstly, basically a rant page where I complain about facebook and my life.
Secondly, a page where I bring up interesting, controversial, or just any old topics and talk about them and explore their concepts.
Thirdly, to write a diary. but that's on my other blog, so not this one.
Fourthly, for it to not really have a particular reason, and for it to be crap.

Check box on fourth , please.

Therefore I will try, each post to include something interest or controversial or different into my blog. However, it will also be crap :D

For now, I leave you with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLUX0y4EptA&ob=av2e

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Hmm... 11th

We've not been speaking for like a week now.
And yet all I can think about is her....

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Shrink - Job prospect No4

Okay. So, firstly Job prospect number 1:
i really want to be a game design. no choice about it. I want to do that. i can't imagine doing anything else tbh.

Number 2:
Video games journalist. at least i can write about games, and still be entwined with them, at least one way.

Number 3:
Video games tester. Not bad, fun job, no real life plan though... :S

Number 4:
A SHRINK. I give good advice, I listen well, I play devils advocate [but  also the opposite?]. I can give you the advice you need. Whether you need from someone point of you. just reassuring you in your opinion. Shouting you down and telling you it's your fault.  Or just the plain truth. Or, my own opinion.

But what matters is what you really think, deep down inside. not what you want to hear. but what you know.

Monday, 20 September 2010

quick poem.... of feelings and crap ;D

I want to send something to her,
but I want it to be right,
Even if I have to,
Stay up all night.

The thing that I send,
It needs to be true ,
More detailed,
than just I love you,

I was thinking about,
Saying why I do,
But that is too desperate,
And nothing new.

I'm not really joking,
or blowing my own horn,
but I'm quite a nice guy,
Not what you get from a thorn.

I am not annoyed or,
angry with you,
I just got jealous,
about your 'crew'

I can't blame you,
or anyone at all,
it just happened I'm sorry,
would, if I crawl,
Would you stay with me
if I changed to,
who you want me to be,
I'd change for you,
would you change too?

Thursday, 9 September 2010

P.O.E.M. - Bricking it?

Something is wrong.
With her?
With us?
With me?
I don't know,
Am I being silly?
She doesn't seem,
To be the same,
As before,
I'm sorry its true,
I can't ignore,
What's coming through,
From you to me,
Can't you simply,
Just tell me?
Let me free,
To be,
If that is what happens,
If not then keep,
Us alive,
We will thrive,

Yeah I can't think any more I might go to bed ¬¬

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

7.5th if she even knew

I like writing down all of my feelings and everything, in a non necessarily coherent and understandable way but it makes me feel better [albeit only slightly] and it means that if she ever reads this, which I doubt to hell she would cause I don't think she has any interests in anything I do or write or anything unless it's to do with her.

Not saying I don't have the same attitude to her, but I try and ask her how her day was, about her subjects, her new college etc.
I bet you she has no idea I'm re-taking AS maths along with A2 maths and Double ICT, with missing one Statistical AS maths lesson every week on Thursday 5th period because of a clash in my timetable with ICT.

If she even knew that I have more than half as much fun now she's not in school any more ¬¬
If she even knew that I don't know if I can keep up just seeing her at weekends.
If she even knew that I didn't particularly like her going to college, but encouraged it because it would make her happy and it's what she wants to do.
If she even knew that I don't mind if she's late really. I'd wait for hours out in the rain for her, just to see her for a while.

If. Just If...

7th.... I get really annoyed.

I get really annoyed. I do.

I'm insecure. I'm not confident. I'm sensitive.

My girlfriend suddenly gets texts and then tells me we need to talk about stuff.
Foreshadowing and foreboding, right? Uh-oh... :S

She then won't text me back when I'm asking simple questions. [also thinks I'm in a mood when I'm not...]

[EDIT: just found realised, she did text me back, but only in reply to a question, not making conversation or anything]

And I'm on Facebook, and I see she's written on a friends wall:  miss you <3

I don't even get that, and we've been going out 5+ months now ¬¬

Yeah its probably me being jealous and stupid but I cant help it.
It's not like I could get any girl I wanted to, to go out with me. She, however, could get so much more [and better] than me, or if not, she could still get many people who like her and could like her that way and i could get like one.
Not that it matters cause we're going out and everything, and she says that that's not going to happen, but i can't help but think about if she liked other guys cause, no-offence to her, she is lovely, but sometimes she can be really mean, i know she probably doesn't mean it, but she never seems to be mean o anybody else, really, just to me.
She says she's joking, and that I'm too sensitive but all of that *points up ^^ * is why i am like that.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬

I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬
I really wish i was one of those 'hard guys' that can punch brick walls and lockers and stuff ¬¬

But I'm not. Bring on Saturday ¬¬

6th - Paranoia

I know im probably paranoid


yeah.. two posts in half an hour?


But seriously... i am sort of worried...


Although, I probably shouldn't be. Being the over-sensitive person that I have apparently become.... because my girlfriend can sometimes be mean to me ¬¬


Last conversation of tonight:




Her:
no
im gunna go bed mayte
21:26Me:
aww no :(
surely you cant be that tired? :p
21:27
Her:
er yeah
21:27Me:
:( aww :P
21:Her:
Her:
im going byeez have fun at schoolio without me
21:29Me
okay night night :) i try y'know :L
good luck for your pt* tomorrow :p                                       *Personal Training
21:30
Her:
thanks buddy
21:30Me
love you x<3
21:30
Her:
bye xxxxx
21:31Me
bye
21:31
Her:
:P


So yeah...  feelings and opinions anybody?
Oh wait.. nobody read this....
Never mind...

5th ¬¬

Is it bad that I feel jealous towards people who I don't know, and only know that they are 'Matt and Josh who draw on my girlfriend'?


I think its not very good to be quite honest. I shouldn't feel jealous. But she moved to a different college [not cause of me (I hope...) ] and now she's having lots of fun on her new course.


Me, personally, am having trouble deciding what courses to finalise on, and have crap free's, and boring lunches.


Why should I feel jealous?



"You need to meet them. all of them. but you have to be confident coz they are all really outgoing"

URM HELLO? Least outgoing, most insecure, most unsocial, most retarded person that you are talking about....

I can't even be confident with my best friends and her, let alone a bunch of 'mentals' that i have no idea who they are... :'(





Quote: 

"and my mum says that I've changed already, like being 


more confident. Its because my mates are really loud".

I hope she hasn't changed much. I liked her how she was...

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

4th

The Prodigy - Voodoo People, has an extremely weird music video. Along with OK Go - This Too Shall Pass.

01 September 2010. I start school initially on  =Friday for an hour. Then start properly on Monday.
I had done practically no homework until this week.
I have at least 3 weeks of maths to do.
I have ICT projects to fulfil to a certain point....
But all I really wanna do is watch 'Grey's Anatomy' [it's crap but my sister has the box sets], play Fallout 3, draw some crap, listen to YouTube Music Videos and do anything else apart from my homework. Guess I should have done it at the start of the holidays.

I  got some emails back from the universities. One saying that they weren't there till the 1st of September. Then, on the first of September, one saying that they do not do that course this year.
I was talking about next year. After I have done my A2 year. I wonder if the admissions tutor read correctly...
Either way, I sent three emails out, and have only been replied to by Swansea Metropolitan.....
I have to choose on Friday what I want to do with my life [AKA my A2 subjects], but am unable to because I have no answers to my questions...

I like to take pictures of things that I think look cool. I have about 6....

And, my favourites:


And there you have it.These were taken in Wales, by me. So all Copyrighted to me. 
Most of them were taken sort of by accident, but afterwards realised that they looked 'special' for want of a better word.
And I have quite eclectic tastes, but these are definitely the best...