I like writing down all of my feelings and everything, in a non necessarily coherent and understandable way but it makes me feel better [albeit only slightly] and it means that if she ever reads this, which I doubt to hell she would cause I don't think she has any interests in anything I do or write or anything unless it's to do with her.
Not saying I don't have the same attitude to her, but I try and ask her how her day was, about her subjects, her new college etc.
I bet you she has no idea I'm re-taking AS maths along with A2 maths and Double ICT, with missing one Statistical AS maths lesson every week on Thursday 5th period because of a clash in my timetable with ICT.
If she even knew that I have more than half as much fun now she's not in school any more ¬¬
If she even knew that I don't know if I can keep up just seeing her at weekends.
If she even knew that I didn't particularly like her going to college, but encouraged it because it would make her happy and it's what she wants to do.
If she even knew that I don't mind if she's late really. I'd wait for hours out in the rain for her, just to see her for a while.
If. Just If...